Friday, July 12, 2013

7/4/13: That wall's being held together by duct tape now.

I almost forgot Impact was on tonight, but apparently all I missed were the opening recaps, as when I got over there Aries and his ill-gotten gains were already in the ring with a mic. He talks about last week and the X-Division title shot option, then says he's planning on cashing in. He demands Hogan show up, because we all know we can't get an Impact without Hogan in the opening segment. Hogan yammers about last year and last week as well, and there's some 4th wall breakage. Seriously, keep kayfabe, guys. That wall's being held together by duct tape now. Hogan books a 3-way X-Division match for the show main, announcing that Suicide's not Suicide anymore, but Manic. Except he's still got the same ring gear. That's not good. Is there any reason for that? Sabin's also in the match, and he even gets the time to talk a bit about reclaiming the title. We're kicked to the announcers who're on hype duty, and Taz gets to claim that the biker ninjas are the most powerful group in TNA. As I recover from my laughingfit, we're kicked backstage to Bad Influence catching the camera guy barging into their locker room. AJ/Kazarian's on tap tonight, so they talk about that and him. Commercial!

Update on the BFG Series standings, and what the holy hell are Bad Influence wearing? Apparently it's Throwback Thursday again, so they're Siegfried and Roy. Also, what the hell's Christy Hemme wearing? She must be cold. AJ comes out next, and Kazarian gets hit as soon as the match starts, sending him to the floor. AJ follows up with a dropkick, then brings Kazarian back in. They fight in the corner, a whip gets reversed, AJ floats over, and Kazarian's sent back to the corner where they started. Chop, whip, flying fist. Whip again, but Kazarian dodges the fist this time. Monkey flip out of the corner, and Kazarian immediately leaps on AJ and starts raining down fists. He continues the offense, keeping AJ neutralized and on the mat. Daniels gives words of encouragement at ringside, but AJ's back up and clotheslines happen. Whip to the corner, AJ gets elevated to the apron. He hits Kazarian, staggering him back, then springboards back in with the forearm. Near-fall, and they trade blows. Kazarian sends AJ to te corner with a dropkick to the chest, and there's another near-fall. AJ keeps Kazarian down, then locks on the Calf Killer in the middle of the ring. After trying to crawl a bit, Kazarian has to tap. Backstage, Mickie's requesting a ladder. OK. Commercial!

Chavo gives Hernandez a pep talk. Meanwhile, Mickie has the ladder in the ring with her. She ascends the ladder, then talks about herself (no surprise there), then the ladder match to see who her next contender is. She tells both Taryn and Gail that they'll never be as great as her. Surprisingly, nobody interrupts her. Hype for that ladder match. Then we're kicked to one of those stupid GutCheck deliberation segments. Seriously, we're duct taping that damn wall, stop trying to break it. After that stupid segment, Ohriner's dispatched and Skidmarks is going to the ring. Might as well just can GutCheck as a whole after most of the related folk got the boot this week. Apparently the MEM has another member. Why're they insisting on keeping this going? Commercial!

Back to the ring, Bradley. And Hernandez. They lock up, headlock, Hernandez throws Bradley into the ropes. A no-sell takes place, and Bradley makes Hernandez stop that before being sent down himself. They end up in the corner after a bit courtesy of a thumb to the eye, then a whip gets reversed and Bradley ends up up top. He knees Hernandez in the back, near-fall. It's hold time now. Hernandez gets out, but is sent out onto the ramp. He headbutts Bradley back, then does his running dive. Looked like he almost didn't make it over the top. Bradley then gets lifted up and powerbombed for a near-fall. Another thumb to the eye, and Chavo jumps in to interfere. Bradley turns towards him for a bit, then turns back around into a shove from Hernandez, which...ends the match. Hell was that? Backstage, the biker ninjas powwow. Hype for the X-Division match and a tag match that stemmed from that hideous tag team segment from last week. It's non-title, so they're not going to be done with it yet, apparently. Disappointedto see that. Commercial!

For some reason, they gave Robbie and Jesse Rob Terry's old dancing music. WTF. Storm and Gunner then come out. Gunner and Jesse start, and Jesse dropkicks Gunner after a bit before hauling him over to his corner. Robbie tags in, it's double team time. Near-fall, then Robbie keeps up the offense before tagging Jesse in again. This time their double team attempt goes awry, as Gunner deals with both, slaps himself (WTF?), then tags in Storm. Storm deals with both as well, then tags Gunner back in. All four men are in as the faces double team the heels. Robbie gets kicked out. Storm follows. Gunner charges Jesse and gets kicked. Gunner's sent into the ropes, Robbie crawls back in, but their attempted double team is diffused quickly. Storm's in, double team on Jesse, then another and the match is done. Commercial!

Backstage, Hardy talks about Park. Back to the ring now for the MEM. Go away. Angle and Sting talk about why they brought it back, then bring out Joe. His sunglasses make him look like his head is huge. He gets to talk about the biker ninjas and Ray too. There's some yelling. Angle takes credit for bringing him in, then introduces Magnus as the next member. As Taz yammers at ringside (seriously, why is he still employed?), Magnus gets to talk too. They then talk more about the biker ninjas, while Taz yammers. Go away, Taz. Hype for the X-Division and their stupid app. Seriously, TNA, stop with the app. Don't be like WWE. Back to the ring for Hardy. Commercial!

Another look at the Series scores, then back to the ring and here's Park. Park requests a handshake, trying very hard not to start really fanboying. They lock up after that, and Park backs Hardy into the corner. Break's forced, then they lock up again. Hardy gets on a headlock, is sent to the ropes, and collides with Park. Literally collides. He goes flying and Park actually stumbles back a bit. Another lock up, another headlock, Park sends Hardy into the ropes. Hardy ducks a clothesline, gets a foot caught, then legwhips Park. Both end up going across the ring, and Park catches a floatover only to be headscissored. Twist of Fate, Hardy misses the Swanton as Park rolls into the corner. Park picks Hardy up by his hair and sends him into the corner. Whip across and Hardy collides hard with the corner. Park gets him up and does it again, looking really surprised that it worked. He then squashes Hardy in the corner. Snapmare down, headlock time. Hardy makes it to his feet and out, ducks a clothesline, and dives ight into Park. Some of his usual stuff leads to a near-fall. Twist of Fate gets countered, and Park hits a Samoan drop. Park goes up top and hits the splash, but only for a near-fall. Park looks like he's about to faint. The corner charge doesn't work, and Hardy goes up top, hitting the Whisper in the Wind. And since TNA has yet to master the art of splitscreen recaps, we miss a small part of it as they show us a fullscreen recap. When we come back, Park's bleeding. And we all know what that means. Park goes berserk and Black Hole Slams the ref. A second one races in and DQs him. Park looks bewildered. Hype for the GutCheck. Commercial!

To the ring for GutCheck. Everyone gets intro'd. Al gives a no right off. Howe states his case. Danny Davis gives him a yes. Prichard seals his fate with a no. More from the biker ninjas. They still haven't decided on a VP. Commercial!

Biker ninjas are in attendance. Hype for next week. X-Division time. Sabin, then Manic, then Aries. Sabin gets both Aries and Manic in opposite corners, clotheslines Manic, and dropkicks a tree'd Aries. Manic gets Sabin out on the apron, but Sabin flips back in and sunset flips Manic for a near-fall. Aries, who went out on the apron, gets knocked to the floor. Manic hits the ropes shortly after, gets caught, turns it into a submission, then drops Sabin to the mat for a near-fall, which gets interrupted by Aries. Manic goes up top and gets crotched by Aries, and Sabin kicks Aries down from behind. Manic and Sabin both get down, then Manic hangs himself between the ropes again. Sabin tries to dive, but it doesn't work. Manic catches Aries, but gets sent to the floor as the biker ninjas look on. Yeah, we know they're there, we don't have to see them there. Aries goes to dive out onto Manic, but Sabin hauls him down from the top and gets him in the corner. Aries reverses a whip, snapmares Sabin down, then dropkiks him for a near-fall. Another look at the biker ninjas. Stop that. Sabin's elevated to the apron, gets elbowed, and Aries dive out with a forearm to Sabin's back. Sabin reverses a brainbuster attempt into a front suplex, and here come the biker ninjas now. Manic's in the ring, and Knux tries to pull him out as he goes to rev up for a dive. Manic fends him off, then makes the mistake of diving off onto them. Doc catches him and sends him down with a powerbomb. The MEM hit the ring to put a stop to that. And, for some reason, it's time for a commercial. Someone needs to be fired. Poor planning!

And just to prove that someone was a dumbass when going to commercial, we see Manic being hauled out on a stretcher. Meanwhile, Aries Death Valley driver'd Sabin onto the side of the ring. Near-falls. The MEM's walking a perimeter. Aries drops Sabin into the ropes, another near-fall. Sting gets up on the apron for no good reason, but the ref doesn't bother to order him to get down. Stop neglecting your job, ref. Sabin gets Aries in the corner, chops the holy hell out of him, stands on him for a bit, and ends up getting a near-fall. Standing switch, Aries backs Sabin into the corner, Sabin gets away and ends up kicking him in the head. Aries and Sabin continue to go back and forth, and a brainbuster attempt gets Aries rolled up for a near-fall. Another reversal and Aries drops Sabin on his head for a near-fall. Aries proceeds to lock in the Last Chancery, but Sabin gets to the bottom rope. Aries uses the rope to stomp on him, then goes up top. 450 misses and Sabin gets a near-fall with a powerbomb before hittng Hail Sabin...for another near-fall. They exchange more shots, going back and forth across the ring, Sabin hitting an elbow and Aries responding with a dropkick. Both go up top, Sabin counters Aries, Hail Sabin from the top, match done, Sabin has his title back. This match should serve as an example of why the three-way rule should be abolished, as it only really started flowing together after Manic was taken out of the equation. Afterwards, Sabin says he's coming for Ray. This ends the show.

This was a pretty good show. Decent wrestling from most, though Hernandez/Bradley was a little painful at some points. Things I objected to: Hogan once again deciding to break the 4th wall (KAYFABE. LEARN IT.), the whole of the GutCheck (it's not worth keeping around anymore, especially after this week), not switching Manic's ring gear (why change stuff if they're not gonna change that?), and certain points during the main like Sting on the apron and the badly timed commercial break. Show gets a 7.

Now that that's out of the way, I would like to express my utter disappointment in TNA as a whole for this week's firings/releases. Getting rid of two viable X-Divisioners (especially at a time when every one they can get is needed), a guy they'd put tons of time into prior, and a talented Knockout (especially considering that the division is tiny), not to mention depriving a pregnant woman of a job, yet keeping the worst announcer currently working in the business? Do you people know what you're doing? Seems to me that you sure as hell do not. Also, PAY EMPLOYEES ON TIME. Even if you have to take away from the big money contracts of guys like Hogan and Hardy, EVERYONE SHOULD BE PAID ON TIME. Thank you.
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