Friday, July 12, 2013

6/3/13: Yep, the Billion Dollar Princess is calling other people selfish.

Meh. Trips/Axel again. Can't Trips just go away? Wait, Stephanie? Oh good lord this can't be good. She announces that she's pulled a power play to get Trips/Axel canceled, pretty much buries Axel with a comment about him being "beneath" Trips, and begins to lecture the fans about being selfish. Yep, the Billion Dollar Princess is calling other people selfish. Hilarious. Vince then shows up and pretty much says the same things, including lecturing the fans and those "beneath" comments. Hey, if they wanna keep him off TV, that's fine with me, but stop trying for the standing ovation and stop burying Axel. They're then interrupted by the Shield. Commercial!

So apparently Vince and Stephanie cleared out during the commercial. So much for hyping what they were gonna do before the commercial. What a waste. And here comes Orton. And Hell No. Who're arguing again. Bryan and Ambrose start as the announcers continue to yammer about Trips and Vince and Stephanie. How about you all be quiet about that now? Bryan sends Ambrose down and lays in with kicks. Kane tags in. Near-falls. Bryan and Rollins are in, and Bryan's still kicking the hell out of people. Kane tags back in and throws Rollins around, squashing him in the corners and hitting a side slam for a near-fall. Kane goes up top and Rollins intercepts him. Near-fall. Commercial!

Ambrose and Kane again. They go back and forth with offense, surprisingly enough, then Ambrose tags in Rollins and they go for a double suplex. Their attempt goes noticeably awry, then gets reversed anyway. Orton tags in and goes right into his schtick. Powerslams, middle rope DDTs, the works. Reigns interferes and ends up nearly being DDT'd as well, giving Rollins enough time to get up and kick Orton in the head. Near-fall. Ambrose tags in. Another near-fall and it's chinlock time. Orton's out of it quickly with headbutts, but Ambrose shuts him down. Near-fall again. Rollins is in and Orton tries to get to his corner, but Reigns tags in to prevent that. Near-fall and a...full nelson? Jeez, haven't really seen that used since Masters. The whole time, Reigns is kneeing Orton in the back. Looked impressive. Ambrose tags back in once Reigns is done and commences stomping. Orton gets to the corner, Ambrose hits him in the back of the head and uses the ropes against him. Orton gets out of the corner and Reigns tags in to prevent him from getting to his corner. Reigns tags in Rollins, who races over to the corner to jump, but gets hit with a dropkick coming down. Bryan tags in and is going absolutely berserk with kicks and charges. Ambrose is in, Ambrose is down. Rollins tries interfering, he gets kicked too then it's hurricanrana time for him. Reigns tries interfering, Bryan drops him to the floor and dives out onto him. Back to Ambrose, Bryan dominates but only gets a near-fall. NO! Lock, the rest of the Shield breaks that up, it goes right into a finisher spam. When they're done, Ambrose finishes off Bryan. Hype for ADR/Langston. Yes, AGAIN. Stop the constant rematches. Besides, hasn't Dolph been cleared yet? Also hype for Punk/Jericho contract signing. Punk in the building? Yes? Please? Commercial!

Bryan yells at Orton. Orton yells back. Bryan yells back at Orton. Kane tries to be the voice of reason. That's a scary thing. Bryan goes off to seek another match. Trips is in the building anyway. Yeesh. He declares to Vince and Stephanie that he'll be competing anyway. Vince and Stephanie attempt to kibosh it. Axel gets buried again. Stop that. Back to the ring for the Usos. Apparently they're wearing face paint. Yep, Cole actually thought that was important. Commercial!

Pure jobber entrance for the PTP. I honestly think Vince hates tag teams. Usos get in offense at the beginning, then the PTP dominate for a bit until the hot tag happens. Usos proceed to dominate all the way to the end, finishing with nice kicks and a Superfly splash. ADR/Langston next. Commercial!

Time for fluff shilling, as there are Special Olympics folks in the front row. Here comes Ricardo to intro ADR. Langston and AJ are out next. Langston quickly goes on offense, beating ADR down. Near-falls are there as well. ADR's on offense now, Langston counters a cross armbreaker attempt but gets kicked right in the face. Near-fall. ADR then proceeds to get the cross armbreaker on. Langston gets out of it, ADR hits a suplex, right back to the cross armbreaker, and ADR uses it to pin Langston. Commercial!

Yeesh, Sheamus. And Cody. Sandow's on commentary. He's got a book. I could make so many cracks about him reading during this match. Apparently the book was written by JBL's wife, as well. Sheamus gets in some offense, then Cody dumps him outside before bringing him back in and getting the advantage. Near-fall, front facelock time. Sheamus gets out of it and quickly proceeds to take Cody down. Battering ram off the top, but Cody manages to roll Sheamus up and get a big handful of trunks for a near-fall. Cody shuts down Sheamus' attempt to comeback again, another near-fall. They exchange counters, Cody misses a moonsault, White Noise. Cody gets his head kicked off, match over. After the match, Sheamus decides to go slap Sandow for no good reason. Par for the course. Commercial!

More Trips and Stephanie. This time Trips has decided to take his ball and go home. It's only delayed the inevitable, as Trips says it's happening next week. Yeesh. Recap of Kofi getting killed on Smackdown last week. Bryan encounters Ryback backstage, and Ryback takes credit for Kofi's injury. Uh, WWE? It was known he was injured prior. One thing leads to another, and Bryan/Ryback is on. Heyman and Axel are backstage with Vince, who kiboshes Trips/Axel for next week...then gives us Axel/Cena again. Yeesh. It gets made into a no DQ match. Uh, Vince, the problem last week was with countouts, not DQs! Clusterschmazz imminent. Anyways, Fandango's up next. Commercial!

At least they advertised MizTV this time. Now Fandangoing! Recaps-a-go-go, including the infamous Fandango/Khali dance-off. I thought we all agreed that one never happened. And here comes Khali. Why does this match have to happen? Cole proceeds to use the words "Khali" and "Chippendale" in the same sentence. I have half a mind to start a petition to have him not do that again. Hehehehehehe and yeesh. After a bit, Fandango bails. Miz comes out to interrupt that, and Wade comes out behind him and knocks his block off with the Bullhammer. That feud's still going too? Guess the match is done. Commercial!

So apparently Vickie made the match during the commercial, but Cole mentioned it was already going to happen. A big, hearty "WTF?!" to Creative for that one. Get your act together, folks. We're back to Wade manhandling Miz. Near-fall and Wade uses the middle rope against Miz before pretty much tying him up in the ropes. Miz knocks him away, then pulls the rope down as Wade rushes back, sending him to the floor. Once Wade's back in the ring, Miz gets put up on the top again, and Wade ends up kneeing the turnbuckle. Near-fall off a rollup, and Miz trips Wade before attempting the figure four. Wade kicks him away, Winds of Change, near-fall. Fandango again. Yeesh. Miz trips Wade into the figure four while Wade's watching Fandango, and Wade taps. Yeesh again. Hype for the contract signing. Commercial!

Unnecessary recaps of the McMahon family saga. And now Lawler's in the ring to mediate the contract signing. Jericho and Heyman both come out. Audible chant for Punk. Heyman talks about the "Best in the World" title, prompting another chant for Punk. Jericho then gets to speak, suggesting that they move the match. Heyman kiboshes that idea every time Jericho puts it forth, including the time he suggests it happen right there, which gets a big pop. After a bit, Jericho gets up, goes around the table, demands Heyman stand up, then demands he remove his jacket. This is going to end up with Heyman getting beaten up, isn't it? Jericho then puts the contract in Heyman's pants. Yeesh. Commercial!

Ugh, Bellas. And AJ. And Kaitlyn and the Funkadactyls. AJ wants nothing to do with Kaitlyn and tags in Nikki immediately. Naomi also tags in. Only reason I know which Bella it is is because the other is yelling her name. Cameron even gets involved for a bit. Near-fall, then Nikki starts beating on Naomi. Brie then tags in and they double team before various holds and stuff are employed. Naomi manages to kick Brie and tags in Kaitlyn, who drops Brie with a DDT for a near-fall. Bella collision, then Kaitlyn's attempt to lift Brie gets countered and Kaitlyn's dropped with a knee. AJ bails, Kaitlyn spears, match is over. Hype for Bryan/Ryback. Commercial!

Bryan's warming up backstage when Kane comes in and tries to talk him out of it. It escalates into a shouting match, and Kane walks. After that, more Wyatt Family! Including clear shots of one Audrey Marie, who was fired long before vignettes started airing. Would've been wise to cut those. Back to the ring for Bryan. Commercial!

Unnecessary recap-a-go-go. And now the ambulance backs in for Ryback. Bryan starts kicking the crap out of him. Usual "Goldberg" chant which almost immediately transitions into YES!, then Ryback tosses Bryan into the corner and stomps on him. Ryback dominates for a bit, then Bryan ducks a clothesline, gets hit with a Thesz press, and counters up to put on a half-Boston crab. He turns Ryback over and ties him up in another submission, then manages to get a near-fall. Bryan kicks the crap out of Ryback in the corner, then gets a whip reversed, floats over, goes for the flying knee off the ropes, but gets clotheslined out. Commercial!

Ryback stomps Bryan down, then runs him over with a clothesline. Bryan gets thrown around and ends up in the corner again. Ryback waits for him to get up, then charges when he does. Bryan dodges out of the way, sending Ryback into the ring post. Bryan gets up in the opposite corner, then rushes Ryback, dropkicking him face-first into the turnbuckle. Another dropkick, near-fall, Bryan goes up top for a third. Diving headbutt, near-fall. Here come the kicks again! Unfortunately for Bryan, Ryback catches the last one and powerbombs the hell out of him. Ryback goes for it again, but Bryan counters it into the NO! Lock. Ryback manages to make it to the bottom rope, then rolls out. Bryan follows, but Ryback sends him into the announce table, uses the ring post, then brings him back in. He then leaves the ring and grabs a table, sets it up, and puts Bryan through it. DQ. Doesn't matter to Ryback, who grabs another table. Then Cena decides to show up. Go away Cena. Ryback gets back in and he and Cena have a bit of a standoff, then Heyman and Axel show up. How about all of you go away and we end the show now? Commercial!

The usual Cena chants have gone up. Cena immediately gets Axel into the corner, then whips him across and tries for the bulldog, but Heyman trips him up. Cena hits the floor. Axel goes to the apron and jumps onto him. Back in the ring now, Cena gets snapmared. Near-fall, then Axel kicks Cena down before punching him in the head. Heyman retrieves a chair and passes it over, but SuperCena engages and the chair gets swiped and used on Axel. They end up outside and the table gets de-monitor'd. Cena debates using it, but notices that the ref's counting and throws Axel back in instead. Axel gets to use the chair this time, and Cena ends up outside the ring again. Axel brings the chair with him, but noselling occurs again and Axel hits the ring post instead. Back in the ring once more and Cena looks slightly apprehensive as they stall like crazy and we get an exceptionally creepy shot of Heyman licking his lips. When they finally move, Cena unsurprisingly ducks the chair and dropkicks it into Axel for a near-fall. The chair gets wedged in the corner, but Axel sends Cena down with a legsweep for a near-fall. Axel keeps up the offense, even picking up a near-fall before putting on a hold. Now there's an audible "Let's go Axel" chant, which transitions back into the usual Cena chants. Cena gets out of the hold, but Axel brings him back down. SuperCena back on as Axel tries to send him into the chair and ends up right in the schtick instead. Axel grabs the top rope to prevent the last bit, and Cena ends up in the corner. He rushes Axel and Axel gets out of the way, sending Cena right into that chair he set up in the corner. The effect is spoiled when Cena does the usual "The ref's at nine?!?! DIVE IN!!!!" bit. Axel bumrushes Cena immediately, then goes and gets the chair again. He even gets to use it. Of course, that only gets him a near-fall. Another shot. Another near-fall. Third shot. Another near-fall. More shots with the chair. Axel then lays the chair down, waiting for Cena to get up, then sends him into the chair with what was supposed to be a neckbreaker but looked more like Axel might've tripped. Another near-fall. Axel goes for the Perfect-Plex, but SuperCena engages AGAIN and Axel ends up in the STF. Heyman rushes over to check, then goes and gets a piece of the announce table. Axel nails Cena in the head with it, and Cena stumbles out of the ring. He only sells it for about 30 seconds or so. Yeesh, Cena. As soon as Axel goes out, Cena's immediately noselling and picking him up. Heyman pleads with Cena, and Cena drops Axel to go after him, but attacks Axel as he's coming up from behind. Ryback makes his return to attack Cena, and Cena gets counted out again. The show ends on this point.

The show really should've ended on Ryback/Bryan, which was really quite good. Cena/Axel wasn't necessary and ended the same silly way it did the first time. All the Trips/McMahons stuff would've made more sense if Axel and Heyman were the faces and Trips was the heel, as well. As it is, burying the heel to shill a massively unsympathetic face doesn't work. Ryback/Bryan and the 6-man were the best matches on the show, though I enjoyed the Uso tag match. Show gets a 6.
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