Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Wanna Be the Strongest! Episode 07

Oh god why is this show even allowed to air on television. Not because of its content, mind you, but rather because of its lack of content. Seriously, this is some of the most boring shit next to watching paint dry, and I sat through all of Shining Force NEO. Including the final dungeon. If you don't know what that game is, imagine Diablo 2 on easy mode. Now imagine all of the enemies are pretty much the same... that you have no real 'magic spells', and upgrades are mandatory to proceed.

Wait, no. Imagine Gauntlet. Only a shittier version of Gauntlet. There. You have Shining Force NEO. It sucked. But I think I might rather play through that shitfest than have to keep watching this show.

And yet, you know that's exactly what I'm gonna keep doing.

God damn these terrible decisions made at 3AM.

I am justified in my hatred of this abominable show. It is a textbook example of everything wrong with the animation industry, between the amazingly lazy shortcuts, the abhorrent amount of padding, and the fact that this show has some of the worst writing period.

The fact that a four-volume manga series can somehow manage to get a full twelve episodes is nothing short of a crime against humanity. Particularly when you could have easily done the whole thing in half that time, and probably gotten a much better product in the end.

Today's episode begins with a large crowd of people looking like they were taken straight out of a damn How To Draw Manga book.

The only one standing out is the one that is a supporting

character. She's also the only one without soulless eyes.

Then some blonde-haired bitch shows up, who is "the number one wrestler on the world circuit Shangri-La". Her name is Jackal Tojo.

.... what. What the f**k kind of name is... screw it, I don't even care anymore.

You mean she has big tits. We get it.

Then Misaki comes up to welcome her back, and they talk about how strong they are and shake hands with the weirdest f***ing expression possible.

I'm sorry, did you want to shake my hand or rape me?

Oh. It's not rape if you're willing, I guess.

After the OP we get to see that they've set up a special match, pitting Misaki against Jackal, because what else were they going to do after introducing that shit. They go on to say that Jackal is (probably) Misaki's master, so that's going to make this one for the record books. Someone's keeping records on this right? Because I'm not.

Then in a complete departure from the entire show thus far, we get some actual character development behind the scenes - the kind of thing you would've expected. Odd. Rio is happy because Jackal has come to town, since she was the reason Rio even began the whole wrestling thing in the first place. Interesting. Maybe if they had focused on some of the other Berserk characters, I dunno, to some capacity at the start of the show, it might have been watchable, but at this point it really comes across as being utterly pointless.

After all, the only people still watching this show... is me, I think.

Cue the flashbacks to last episode when Sakura announces she will keep wrestling, and there's another 15 seconds of your life you won't be getting back. Oh, but then the PLOT DROP, as the world champ will also be participating in an Amateur-All Stars event, where she'll be taking on less-experienced wrestlers.

Gee. I wonder who is going to be making it to that match.

My money's on the blind girl on the right.

Jackal then continues talking about how she's going to enjoy this.

That's a euphemism for something isn't it.

Then Rio is all "man I wish I was a newbie" and off Sakura runs with her long-ass hair again. Jesus that shit grows back fast. After that it cuts to Misaki, Jackal, and Kanae, you know that green-haired photographer chick? They're all sitting in a hotel, talking about how Kanae totally had her back broken all Bane-style that one time in band camp.

I think you're still missing Betty White though...

Blah blah talking about wanting to keep being even stronger, and guess what, now we've got a very familiar flashback sequence. Except instead of Misaki and Sakura, it's Misaki and Jackal. And no, they haven't bothered to change a single god damned shot.

These guys love tracing over shit.

The flashback continues going on about how Misaki wanted to be an idol, blah blah lots of screaming and giving up and close-ups of the faces while Kanae watches.

Misaki grabs hold of the rope, learns the essence of pro wrestling, etc etc, because hearing it the first time wasn't important enough. Back in today, they're just talking about everything that's happened, and how this is why she did all of the exact same shit to Sakura, which makes Jackal give a sour face.

This makes me incredibly jealous for no real reason.

They talk about how Sakura is green and still has these things called 'emotions', and then they cut to some sort of Recording Grand Prix awards ceremony shit and guess who wins? Yeah, that orange-haired bitch and her pals at Sweet Diva. Congratulations, you are getting awards because they feel the ened to remind the audience that you still exist. Cue the flashback where everyone sits around the table talking about how they have no choice but to let Sakura keep being a wrestler instead of an Idol. Except for Elena who is still a red-haired fiery bitch.

Man, the only thing that could have made this any better

would have been having to kill my rival to get here!

Back over at the wrestling arena, Misaki is going up against some chick wearing green, I dunno I forgot her name already and it won't matter since the match is going to be over in like, three minutes. They do the audio-flashback where she's thinking back with her conversation that we saw not less than five minutes ago, and then she kicks the girl out of the arena and proceeds to straight up wreck her shit. Or would have if she didn't slip and just slam her head on the.... wait what.



A TWISTED F***ING ANKLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?


This is the look of someone about to hit their head. NOT



*flips all the desks*


I REALLY JUST WANT TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE FOR THIS. But now they are worried about this thing called money - apparently, having to reimburse people for a fight they don't get to see causes you to go bankrupt. Which means they need to find someone to replace Misaki for the fight that people totally already paid for.

Seriously, how the hell are you so hard up for cash that you sell all of the tickets for your event, and can't afford to cover the cost of refunding it? THAT MEANS YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG AS A VENUE.

But Jackal is all "whatever we have a replacement for this shit" and the President is all "wait what" and she's like "please, you got that Amateur All-stars thing let's just roll with that".

Then she kind of looks over at Sakura and is all "man I am totally going to make your career". Then the fight is about to begin and what do they do? OPEN IT WITH SWEET DIVA AND THE LOVELY SEIZURE SQUAD.

Every. F***ing. Episode.

They manage to get that shit in there every episode, and somehow THEY HAVE FOUND A WAY TO MAKE IT WORSE. As if the neon colors to a dark background weren't enough now they have FANCY WHITE STREAKS GOING ALL OVER THE PLACE. If you don't have epilepsy, YOU PROBABLY WILL SOON.

So Sweet Diva does a dance in the ring and Sakura kind of sits there in her room listening, and we are treated to what is just a vomit-inducing example of why the Japanese fail with 3D art in anime: Because they don't have a goddamn clue what they're doing.

Not quite Iron Man levels of bad, but they're trying damnit.

Then the song is over, and the girls from Sweet Diva are all 'we should wish Sakura luck!' but Elena is all 'screw dat ho, we got work to do' and I don't even really know what's going on at this point.

Then some people are fighting in the arena. One is that chick with the long red hair who shows up sometimes fighting some other chicke, then there's some choking and some slamming and possibly some choke slamming, and a pin is made the end. Yay. Then Sweet Diva shows up again to give some commentary, and then we have more lovely strobe lights, and Sakura shows up for her fight.

So this is the perfect time to ask Elena about how she feels about Sakura's continuing to be a wrestler on the air! But they're all happy faces and "yay she's cool we like her etc etc" and they talk about the bonds of friendship. Which means it's time for your favorite part of the show, watching Sakura scream while being wrestled by some other chick.

Then a double backflip kick thing and that match is over. Gee that was fast, unlike the rest of this show. But then they have to get to the final match, the one where Misaki is supposed to fight someone, but then the lights go dark. What is this? What could this mean? Why, some mystery wrestler shows up instead!

That's totally not Jackal.

This one's name is... BLUE PANTHER. Because the obvious color choice was already copyrighted. She is described as an "assassin" sent in by Miyabi, which I guess is a rival team or some shit, and then the match begins, and pretty much ends almost immediately. It doesn't take long for whoever this girl is to be wrestled into several rope breaks, and one has to wonder, what is up with this?

Well clearly it's the World Champ stepping in to beat up people several classes below her skill level. But nobody is ever going to figure that out, what with all the blue. Then Sakura comes over to take exception to get all weepy over her fallen comrade, and gets all pissy at whoever this bitch is, and declares that she will never forgive her. Exactly like what happened in the first episode.

Oh god. Oh sweet mother of god. They've already run out of ideas so they are literally recycling the plot of this show all over again.

Then the mystery wrestler walks off all dramatic as shit.

Even though that is totally against the laws but

whatever this is ANIME.

Oh, so I guess it honestly can't be the world champ because she's still sitting up there all smug as shit like while watching the whole thing, and now I am disappointed. Maybe even a little bit disgusted. Then she sees herself and Misaki in Sakura and she runs off to tell the President she totally wants to fight Sakura in the special match.

They also lowered the bar on the art quality, just because.

It's all over the papers, and Jackal is like, "I am totally gonna make her career ROLL CREDITS" because she strikes me as the kind of person who bosses everyone around.

And yet, everything I just described is probably twenty times better than the show actually is.

I can't see how anyone could enjoy this show at all. It's just shit. Shitty shit. I just.

I'm going to stop typing before I keep writing shit a million times over.

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